The Mid-life Years - When Confidence Begins to Waver

For most of my adult life confidence had been one of my quiet strengths. Then something shifted.

There was a period in my early fifties when I began to feel something I hadn’t experienced since I was a teenager. A kind of unsettledness. A quiet sense that something inside me had shifted slightly off centre. A tilt off my axis.

The odd thing was that, on paper at least, life was moving along exactly as it should. Work was established. Home-life was settled, secure. Yet there were moments when I found myself reacting to things that previously would not have troubled me at all.

Situations I once walked confidently into suddenly required preparation. Decisions took longer. Social energy felt limited. I noticed myself choosing quieter evenings at home over busy gatherings I once would have enjoyed.

At first, I wondered if it was simply part of getting older. Perhaps I had become less resilient or less interested in pushing myself into the world the way I once had. But the feeling didn’t quite match that explanation. It felt familiar somehow, like an old memory returning. Ahh. Hormones. They were changing again.

I noticed the shift most clearly in my work. After decades of hairdressing, confidence had always been what my clients find reassuring. They trusted my judgement, and I trusted it too. Yet during that period I found myself hesitating. Unsure.

I stopped taking on new clients. Even with long-time regulars, big changes suddenly felt complicated to do. For a time, work suffered. My social life did too. It was strange – this shift I felt within. There had been a time, a decade or 2 earlier, that I held a job that required me to run toward ‘hard to deal with’ situations, not away from. And yet now, there were days when even driving out of town felt scarier than it should have.

It took some time to realise what was happening. The hormonal shifts of perimenopause and menopause affect far more than hot flushes or sleep. Oestrogen interacts with several of the brain’s key chemical messengers – serotonin, dopamine, and the calming pathways that help regulate stress. When those signals begin fluctuating, the nervous system can become more sensitive to the world around us.

For many women this shows up first as something surprisingly personal: a dip in their confidence. Things we once handled without hesitation now feel heavy. The mental bandwidth required to navigate work, relationships and daily life increases. Sleep becomes unreliable and in turn affects mood and resilience. The steady internal rhythm we relied on for decades begins to falter.

Some researchers describe this stage as a kind of “second puberty.” Not because we are becoming young again, damn it - but because the body is once again recalibrating its hormonal system.

During adolescence hormones surge and stabilise - in midlife the process happens in reverse. Fluctuations arrive first. Stability returns only once the transition is complete. What makes this stage harder is most women are navigating it while holding together very full lives. Careers. Families. Responsibilities. Ageing parents. Businesses. Communities.

The world does not pause while our endocrine system quietly rewires itself. It’s no wonder so many women begin to wonder privately if something is wrong with them. And once upon an archaic time ago, so did men of science and therefore society.

I began hearing similar stories from other women. Capable, intelligent women. Suddenly questioning their abilities. Stepping back from roles they once thrived in. Turning down opportunities. Reducing responsibilities simply because maintaining the previous pace felt overwhelming. Some were considering decisions that would shape the years ahead in ways they did not yet realise.

From the outside it can look like withdrawal. In reality, something more interesting is happening as many women begin setting boundaries for, often, the very first time. Things that once seemed non-negotiable suddenly feel optional. Tolerance for things that once felt manageable suddenly drops. Social obligations become more selective. Work that drains rather than fulfils begins to lose its appeal. Energy, which once felt abundant, is now treated as something worth protecting. Finding serenity in one’s personal health and wellbeing journey versus continuing with not-so serene relationships. What initially starts as a ‘loss of confidence’ can slowly shift to a ‘reorganisation of priorities’.

But there is a cautionary tale not often spoken about if big life decisions are being considered at this stage of life. Retirement security. It is one of the quieter consequences of this hormonal transition that few people fully understand. During this hormonal transition, those decisions can sometimes be made from a place of exhaustion rather than clarity.

Because eventually the hormonal storms settle. Oestrogen stabilises at its new baseline, the nervous system regains its balance, and many women begin to notice a surprising positive shift.

When I eventually began HRT, some things lifted quite quickly. The darker thoughts softened within days and the constant anxiety eased. Confidence returned, slowly. It still took several months before that familiar steadiness returned and I was me again. Sort of.

Looking back now, I can see that what felt unsettling - a loss of confidence - was part of a recalibration, of sorts. A biological transition asking for patience. The body adjusting to a new rhythm. A temporary neurological storm before the next stage of stability arrives. Because once the turbulence passes, many women find themselves standing in a different kind of strength. More interest in walking a truer path, understanding life, guiding others, and speaking from lived experience.

In my own life, I have come to recognise that my writing belongs to this stage. The striving years of youth have passed. The busy decades of building and doing have too. This quieter period offers insight, observation, reflection and action to do what now fills your tank.

Perhaps that is the real gift hidden inside this “second puberty.” Not a loss of confidence but a reshaping. A second chance. A ‘do-over’ - as the entire body finds its new rhythm. And once that rhythm settles, many women discover something humbling on the other side. Quiet self-assurance. For many, perhaps, the beginning of the wiser Sage years.

Continue reading the next post in my Midlife Series …

A Note from Teena:

Thank you for reading my blog. I am a qualified Hairdresser, Beautician and Cosmetic Formulator with over 40years experience. I am the founder of True Botanix™ Skincare and owner of Tease Hair & Beauty Rooms in Tauranga, New Zealand.

Many women are surprised to learn that a dip in confidence can be one of the lesser-known perimenopausal symptoms, long before hot flushes appear. Fluctuating oestrogen can influence neurotransmitters that affect mood, sleep, and stress tolerance, which in turn can impact how resilient we feel in everyday life.

During this phase, gentle support for both the nervous system and the skin can make a meaningful difference. Restorative skincare that focuses on hydration, barrier repair, and antioxidant protection can help calm skin that has become reactive or sensitive during hormonal shifts.

At Tease Hair & Beauty Rooms in Tauranga, I work with women navigating these changes through personalised skin analysis, advanced skin treatments and specialised programs.

If you would like guidance tailored to your skin, my TrueSkin Diagnostics online questionnaire provides a detailed report covering skincare ingredients, internal support, suggestions and professional treatment options.

For daily home care, many clients find support from products within the True Botanix™ range, particularly formulations designed to replenish lipids, hydration, and antioxidant protection.