The Gentle Art of Aging

Years ago, a dear friend of mine recalled a memory of us.

We had gone out together one night - Tauranga in its lively days, full of music, people, and that familiar night time energy. I was in my mid-20s, she her late 30s. We walked into a busy bar, and I walked in slightly ahead.

She watched the room shift as I walked in. Heads turned. Eyes followed. And in that

moment, standing just slightly behind me, she felt … invisible.

She laughed when she told me this. And then she said something I never forgot:

“One day, you’ll feel that too.” It stayed with me. Not in any heavy way, just quietly filed away in my subconscious somewhere.

And then, one day many moons later, I felt it. Not all at once. Not in a single moment I could point to. But somewhere along the path of maturity, I became aware that something had changed. Something had quietly fallen away.

And instead of feeling like I had lost something … I felt lighter.

For when I was a young woman, without quite noticing it, I had been holding myself in a certain way. A quiet awareness of how I looked, how I was perceived, how I might be received in a room. Not in an insecure way and not in an egotistical way either exactly, but in a way that required a certain level of energy. A constant, low-level of awareness.

And then, almost without ceremony, this softened. I noticed it first in the smallest of

places. Walking into a café. Passing a mirror. Sitting across from someone and not

wondering, even for one second, how I was being seen. And my subconscious whispered those words often felt in women at this stage of life – ‘you are invisible’.

And it’s usually acknowledged with a slight sense of loss. But that was not how I felt. I

came to the realisation that the feeling I had was actually relief. A quiet, unexpected ‘phew, the pressure has lifted’ … and I hadn’t even realised how much of it I had been under.

Or perhaps I had? I hadn’t lived an unremarkable life. The 90s/00s were fun, flirty, full-on, and the 2010s very fulfilling. Youth had had its place, as it should. It sure deserves its time in the limelight, as did we.

But this stage, this phase … this is different. There is a steadiness here. A sense of no

longer needing to prove, perform, or present in quite the same way. I found myself

speaking differently too. Not louder, not softer - just more certain. The words came from somewhere more settled. Less about being heard, more about understanding and holding empathy.

It made me think of the old language re: the Triple Goddess - Maiden, Mother, Sage.

Nouns we don’t use much anymore, but perhaps we should. Because there is something quietly powerful about becoming the woman who has experienced enough to see patterns, to understand cause and effect, to recognise what matters and what simply doesn’t anymore.

It shows up in the practical things too. In the mirror, I see ‘me’ softening. What once

would have been a full coverage routine has eased into something gentler. Highlights that blend, rather than a mask of full colour. And sheerness to let my natural skin shine through. A shift from managing how the hair and skin looks - to supporting it in appreciation.

As a Hairdresser and Beautician, I totally advocate for personal care. But hair now needs support as it changes - more hydration, more attention to texture. Skin now needs replenishment and understanding - not correction and force.

But there is a difference between maintaining something versus trying to hold it where it once was. This softer approach feels more like working with, rather than against. And underneath this shift, there is something happening biologically that makes sense of it all.

After menopause, with the decline of oestrogen stabilized, the skin changes. Collagen production slows, the dermal structure gradually thins, and the skin holds less water. At the same time, microcirculation becomes less efficient, meaning oxygen and nutrients are delivered throughout the body more slowly. That familiar, easy glow on the skin, and glossy shiny hair, doesn’t disappear because something is wrong – it’s simply the body moving into its next life phase.

Therefore, what it needs changes. More understanding of how the skin, hair and body now behaves, rather than how it used to.

Even sleep has its own story to tell. For many women, menopause doesn’t arrive quietly. It can feel more like a storm - unpredictable, disruptive, and at times overwhelming to move through. Nights were unpredictable. Too warm, too restless, too aware. But then, eventually, something shifts again. The body begins to settle. The extremes soften. A different rhythm takes hold. Cooler, calmer, more settled.

Settled – and there’s a comfort in that. In knowing that not everything is a problem to fix - some things are simply phases to move through.

And then there are the lines. The visual evidence of this phase - the ones we fought hard to soften, smooth, or somehow undo. But when I look closely, I don’t see something that I dislike. I see life. Of laughter that stayed a little longer than expected. Of worry that passed, eventually. Of moments that mattered enough to leave a mark. A life, lived in full.

My dear friend and I still speak regularly, often laughing hard about times gone by. What I’ve come to appreciate is that this stage can be experienced in very different ways. And that the gentle art of aging is not the pursuit of staying as we were, but the quiet acceptance of becoming who we are now. Not less, certainly not invisible. Just different. And in many ways, far more at ease with our Sage-self than our Maiden-self would have ever imagined.

A Note from Teena:

Thank you for reading my blog. I am a qualified Hairdresser, Beautician and Cosmetic Formulator with over 40years experience. I am the founder of True Botanix™ Skincare and owner of Tease Hair & Beauty Rooms in Tauranga, New Zealand.

By the time the more turbulent perimenopause symptoms settle, many women begin to notice a calmer rhythm returning.

And as we move beyond the hormonal turbulence of midlife, the skin’s needs often shift again. Rather than correction, the focus becomes nourishment, protection, and

maintaining the integrity of the skin barrier.

Mature skin benefits greatly from lipid-rich botanical oils, antioxidants, and gentle actives that support hydration and resilience without overstimulation. Through my work with clients at Tease Hair & Beauty Rooms, I help women adapt their skincare routines and treatments to suit this stage of life.

The True Botanix™ skincare range was created with this philosophy in mind — formulations designed to nourish, replenish, and support skin as it ages naturally and gracefully.

For women wanting more personalised guidance, my TrueSkin Diagnostics online

questionnaire offers a detailed skin analysis with tailored recommendations for skincare ingredients, professional treatments, and internal support.